Krimzon Guard Business
by MissButton
Summary: I can't sleep, I can't eat. The screaming is resonating in my head and I can't get that shrill sound of agony out. I swear to god the Dark Warrior Program is driving me up the wall and it's going to be the end of me. New Draft
1. Oy Vey

Wow, I haven't written anything in a long ass time. At least stuff that I've posted here. As its obvious to see KGB is getting a serious rewrite and an M. Night Shamalan style twist at the end. hint: technically no longer a self-insert.

xD I swear to ass I'm gonna kick your god.

Now, KGB, new and improved…with less suck-age :D

Disclaimer: I don't own it, wish I did. Jay and Silent Bob are Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith/ View Askew productions.

Zen

**. : : …oi vey : : .**

--

She woke up with a start, taking a few seconds…well minutes to get her eyes back into focus and to grope around for her glasses. Wondering why the rug felt so weird, granted it was old and in extreme need of cleaning. But now strangely it felt like it was covered in dirt.

" Eureka." she muttered when her hands finally touched the frame of her glasses. She shook her 'ginger' hair out of her face before putting said spectacles on, " That is the last time I gorge on three day old Chinese." Then it all really hit her like a sock filled with nickels. She paused, blinking a few times, hoping she was still dreaming. " Whuthehell? What happened to my apartment?" she asked, to no one in-particular. A rhetorical question if you will.

As of right then, her apartment didn't exist. At least of what she remembered of it. However it all can't be explained now. All in due time will things fall into place.

Now, Melony, all five feet, two inches of her, stood up from the what she now realized was a ditch. A rather deep one at that, or it could possibly have something to do with her…_small _stature. It took a few tries but she did manage to climb out of the trench that was in the middle of the city. Actually there were a few of these ditches dug. Not impeding traffic however, for all of the vehicles were 'zoomers'. which oddly enough didn't bother her. Just as the dilapidated state of the houses all around her didn't seem to phase her either.

She finally got to walking, indolently scratching at the back of her neck, contemplating on what to do next. Among other things the crazy ass dream she had last night. _so it either was a concussion, drunken pass out-time, or I really shouldn't eat three say old Chinese _she thought, sitting near a loud speaker. Barley paying attention to the pre-recorded 'Baron Babble' that was spewing out of it twenty four seven…even on holidays what kind of man _does _that.. And god forbid there's any type of subliminal messaging in those bad boys. Most likely a _there's nothing wrong, join the guard, _and a few other things, _Love your baron, Obey the KG._ she shuddered a bit, someone really should play these things backwards to see. Or thank the 'neighborhood watch committee'.

Well ever apparently there were subliminal messages in those things. Or at least that was Mel's excuse later on as to why she made the decision. Or possibly a retort of 'shut the fuck up.' whichever would be easier at the time. She nervously waited for the industrial doors to open, having a feeling that her height may impede things.

On the other hand she figured they would care if you were short, gay or growing feathers out your ass. They wouldn't care as long as you weren't flat footed. Which she was sure she wasn't. she shrugged and figured, _to hell with it.,_ and continued onward.

-

" This is by far the worst decision I've ever made." she muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose. One thing she didn't thing about was the guards blatant disregard for segregation of the sexes. So it was all co-ed. She sighed again, swinging the key ring on the single chain around her finger walking down the hallway. _This is going to end horribly I just know it _she thought absentmindedly, _the foods probably going to suck, roommates are going to hate me. Oh not to mention the fact I'm one of the few women here. _" it's just gonna be fan-fucking-tastic." she mumbled shoving the key into the lock, turning then trying the door. Realizing she just locked it, Cursing at the door she _unlocked_ it, shoving the door open, letting it give a resonating smack as it nailed the wall.

When she looked up she noticed two people in the room, both in the same bunk bed. Looking exactly alike…eerie. She blinked, taking her glasses off for a second, then putting them back on. They were still there, still looking exactly alike. She merely raised an eyebrow before setting her stuff down on the bottom bunk.

One just laughed before speaking, " don't worry, we get it all the time."

" We do not fathead." the other one said, shoving on the side of his brothers head.

" Dude, don't call me fathead. My head is very proportionate thank you."

" Did your mother tell you that?" she said, smiling, they knew she was saying it lightly.

"…yeah." he said.

Mel started laughing, meeting these two would definitely be a high point in her day...and life. " Do you have names or should I refer to you as Thing one and Thing two?"

The pointed to each other," Seth/Chase." they said in unison. Which to say the least confused her further. They laughed, " I'm chase." he was the one on the left, " and I'm Seth." he was the one on the right.

" Thank you. Melony." she said, " Mel, Mellers, Mellow, there's about a million different variations I'll answer to." she laughed, putting her hands into her pockets. " But your still gonna be Thing one and Thing two."

" Duly noted." Seth answered.

" So…who's the elusive fourth member of this quartet? Anybody know?" she asked, the twins just shrugged. She leaned on the dresser, getting all the stuff off of the lenses on her glasses when everyone heard the knob turn. Three heads simultaneously turned to look at the wooden door to see who would walk through. He was tall, well compared to Mel everyone is. brunette and blue eyes. And his first impression was priceless;

" What the hell?"

" Nice to meet you too." she deadpanned, pushing the sleeves of her shirt up, giving a hop to sit on top of the dresser. He just kind of stared for a minute. " are you gonna say something or are we having a staring contest I wasn't aware of." she smirked, chin in her palm.

" You're a riot." he said, lo and behold, sounds like he's been gargling nails since age five.

" I like to think so." she answered matter-of-factly. " Do you have a name or can I just call you Iron lung?" She was given the death glare to end all death glares. She winced, " I'll take that as a no."

he just narrowed his eyes and mumbled something unintelligible for his response, pinching the bridge of his nose," My names Torn." he managed to growl out, " you have a gift for pissing people off don't you?"

" Maybe, Silent Bob, maybe." she answered, smirking, he just rolled his eyes, throwing his stuff onto the last bunk.

-

She finally sat down in the mess hall, pushing her plate forward, letting herself slump onto the tabletop. " I cant feel my legs." she whined, pulling the bandana she had on off. She pushed herself into a severely slouched sitting position, absently shoving the fork into her mouth.

This is bad.

Her yes widened, forcing herself to swallow before suppressing her own gag reflex. She let the fork drop loudly onto the plate.

" That. Is not. Food." she said, glaring at the plate, swearing on her life that it just moved.

The twins just smiled and laughed, " we could've told you that." Seth looked at his brothers plate a little perturbed. " Dude, where did your fork go?"

Chase raised an eyebrow at him before looking down at his now missing cutlery. "…I think my plate ate it." he said.

Mel blinked, instead of eating, downed her glass of water…or protein shake or whatever the hell they decided to serve here. Too afraid to even bother eating another bite, thinking it would either start singing Broadway or just say 'snoochie boochies' and return to being its normal slop.

" This is worse than getting punched in the face." she sighed, pushing her tray away again.

" I told you not to say that Juturna looked like the monopoly guy." Torn said, managing to force his food down. She had to give it to him, the twig was a trooper.

" Yeah, I've got a shiner and a bloody nose to show for it. Thanks Silent Bob."

" How many times have I asked you not to call me that?"

" I usually don't bother counting." she admitted, chewing on purple painted nails. Smiling innocently, which everyone she roomed with knew by now mean that it was sarcasm.

" I'm sure its in the upper thousands." he muttered.

-

Next chapter will come when it comes. Please Read and Review. Wanna know if its better than the last version.


	2. Gives You Hell

Hey…chapter dos :D this is actually coming along quite well now that I can actually write. I actually realized something when I was reading the reviews I got.

I haven't touched this fic in two year going on three. D:

So…yeah BTW…pairing info. Jinx/KG [mel] Jak = Fandom bicycle so him/everyone.

_**Disclaimer **__no ownage. Wish I did. It'd be pretty sweet. Only thing I own in the plot-ski and Mellers and Shrink_

_When you see my face hope it gives you hell, when you walk my way hope it gives you hell_

_

* * *

  
_

. : : Gives You Hell : : .

You fast forward a few years and you have Mel face first into her pillow on her bunk. Tattooed and extremely tired and lethargic. Working early shift in the god forsaken prison. The old bandana was pulled off and whipped at the wall. She had her eyes closed and was halfway off to another nightmare that would have kept her up anyway. But the dull buzzing on the dresser woke her up and had her swearing immensely at the disturbance.

She pulled the communicator off the dresser not bothering to check the ID. There was only one person who would bother to wake her up…er call her this early.

" What is it Erol." she grumbled, using her free hand to push her hair back, putting her skewed glasses back onto her face. _need…sleep._

" _I need you down here. New prisoner, Veger has special plans for this one._" he said, static crackling over the line.

" Exaclty how _new_ are we talkin'? a day, week month."

" _Does that really matter? Just get yourself down here now._"

She would have said something back had he not hung up. " Fucking asshole." she muttered, pulling herself out of bed. Throwing on her basic armor. Which wasn't really much thank god. Tying the bandana back on to hold her hair back. She was going to have to assault the coffee pot if she was kept up any longer.

Walking down to the prison complex was a route well memorized, so she managed to keep her eyes closed to try and get some distorted view of sleep. She bumped into a locked door before she 'woke up', or at least opened her eyes wide enough to shove her key card into the lock. She gave a salute to the commander as much as she hated to.

" Sergeant Cross. What is it commander." she said monotonously.

" You sound tired Cross." He muttered.

" Well gee, I'm operating on like a half hour of sleep." she yawned loudly, " Do the math. I'm barley functioning."

Erol just looked at her a bit skeptically. " well, we have someone I need you to look at. Make sure they're not dying and all that."

" Depends, is he gonna try and kill me the second I walk in the door?"

" ah ah, you should have more faith in me than that Cross." he said, smirking, " don't worry, he'll be in too much pain, or as docile as a lamb."

" now, why would he be in too much pain? If you don't mind my asking."

" I cant tell you just yet Cross," he answered, grabbing her nose just to piss her off. " all in good time."

" Whatever." she muttered, turning on her heel to walk to whatever holding cell this prisoner was in. said cell wasn't one most would perceive as a 'doctors office' kind of place. Everything was stainless steel. Clean, immaculate. A far cry from the grunge and dirt that managed to coat the entire rest of the prison. She was in the process of rubbing some of the sleep from her eyes, getting a split second view of the prisoner before slamming the door shut. Eyes widened in either disgust or sheer amazement of who could end up in this place.

for god's sake he was a kid. Looked fifteen at the most. " He's officially fucking lost it." she muttered to herself before opening the door again. Telling the fully armored and armed guard to leave. _yeah, because a kid _that_ small needs a guy like him to watch him. _she shook her head, pushing her glasses back up her nose.

She went to tilt his chin up, get a better look at him. He was staring at the floor the entire time. At first he flinched, she expected him to. Especially with the decent sized bruise on his forehead. Who wouldn't?

" You okay kid?" she asked, she was sure his answer would have been 'no'. strangely enough he gave a somber nod of a 'yes'. she smiled, " Somehow I doubt that." she looked him up and down, nothing too bad really. She's seen a lot worse. " Looks like they didn't get ya too bad save for the nice goose egg you got."

he just shrugged.

" can you talk?"

He nodded 'no', then pointed to his throat.

" Mute?"

He nodded a 'yes'.

Mel smiled, laughing," Would you rather have yes or no questions or do you think your animated enough to answer otherwise?" she paused. " I'm horrible at charades just so you know."

* * *

Its been several months, close to a year, and Mel hasn't been doing any better than the last time she was seen. As if dead town hadn't given her enough reason to not sleep, the kids screaming really did it. And if it didn't keep her up, its what woke her up in a cold sweat. Groping for her glasses to try and read the large red digital numbers on her clock. Which was usually some ungodly hour, between two and four a.m.

at some point she just threw her clock against the wall having it smash into several pieces. Just so she didn't have to see what this was doing to her. She just ran her hands through her hair, squeezing her green eyes shut. Resisting the urge to not throw up what little she ate that day. Once again her Comm. Started beeping again. Which meant it was around 4:30, she picked up the device, " Cross." she muttered. She already knew who it was, Torn never called her at this hour, not unless it was an absolute emergency.

"_I need you down here. Now._" said, _commanded, _the all too familiar voice of Erol before he hung up. As usual.

The pint sized redhead sighed, burying her head into her pillow, wishing that she could grow a pair and just walk out. Crawling out of bed she started getting dressed, a task that didn't need her attention anymore having it done so many times on so few hours of sleep. She never bothered with the armor anymore. She figured it wasn't worth the trouble. They never sent her out on patrol anymore, and the prisoner…well, wasn't that much of an issue. Any time she saw him he was passed out or in too much pain to attempt to do anything.

He walked into the exam room tying her bandana on her head, " What?"

" We had an incident, I need you to make sure he's healthy." Erol said, watching the boy out of the corner of his eyes as he walked out.

Melony rolled her eyes, she never did get the details from him, always having to figure it out on her own. When she looked at the lanky figure, she immediately saw the marks on his throat, and the one thing she didn't want to happen apparently did.

He tried to kill himself.

She rubbed her eyes trying to wake up a little more. she wanted to laugh, they had matching dark circles under their eyes. He had changed a lot since he came in, besides the obvious weight loss, She swore she could count his vertebrae through his shirt. The once scared blue eyes now had a cold look of contempt in them, not to mention his hair had grown out into an unmanageable mane of emerald gold.

She turned his head to the side, looking closer at the small red lines on his throat. Having to push his hair out of the way, there was one vertical line down the front of his throat that had her raising an eyebrow. It was a scar now, she hadn't noticed it before. Having been his pseudo doctor, she was usually told of things like this. But as of right now, she couldn't for the life of her figure out how he did this, the kid didn't exactly have the nails to be able to cut into his neck. She yawned into the crook of her elbow, she would love to have been able to go back to bed.

" Tired?" he asked hoarsely and Mel almost had a heart attack, taking a step back, eyes wide. Did he? Did he just speak?

The girl was at a loss for words, " g-yeah." she answered, " How the…when?" she shut herself up lest she spew out more word vomit.

He just shrugged, " Don't remember much."

Mel nodded slowly, now that her heart had stopped spasming. Readjusting the glasses on her nose, she pushed his hair back to look at his eyes, swearing she saw a flash of violet over the blue. Now she was sure she really needed to get some sleep. As soon as she let go of his hair, it all tumbled back in front of his face. She frowned, pulling an elastic off of her wrist, " I will never understand how you can stand all of this being in the way." she murmured.

" I deal with it."

" mm." she said, pushing his hair back so she could tie it, the hair tie between her teeth. Even with it back a few random strands fell back into his face. She shrugged it off, " That should be a little better right? " she mumbled. He nodded and she smiled, glad hat at least she was doing some good for him.

Looking over at the ID bracelet on his wrist, she saw that it was relatively new, and looked like it was in the process of getting pulled off.

" How many of those have you torn off?"

He shrugged, " A lot."

" You should stop, they'll tattoo that on your arm if you keep pulling em off." she said, she wanted to roll her eyes. She was sounding like a mother. Being motherly wasn't exactly something she thought was in her repertoire of abilities. Scolding or otherwise. " You look alright, but please don't try to off yourself again okay?"

She smiled and left the room and Erol and his lanky self was standing against the wall outside the door.

" How is he?"

" He'll make it. Why didn't you tell me he could talk?"

" I figured it would have been easy to figure out Cross."

She rolled her eyes, saying vehemently," And how my I ask did you pull off that dirty miracle?"

" You know how far medicine has come. A bit of eco to the vocal chords."

She shook her head, " Whatever, I'm going back home." she turned to walk out before he grabbed her elbow.

" Ah, we're doing another EIC, we need you here in case anything comes up."

Mel shut her eyes, ripping her arm back. It was going to be another day she was going to be sick to her stomach and yet again, another visit to Shrink. Never in her life would she have thought she was going to need to see a psychologist. The guard sighed, " Fine." she said softly she turned around, " You bring him there. Unlike you I cant look that kid in the eye and do that to him."

" Very well Cross. We'll meet you there." he said, giving that sadistic grin . She turned and gave an inward shudder, Vilet [who everyone called Shrink] had always said she thought he was a sociopath. Which wouldn't surprise Melony in the least.

* * *

There…:D

Read and review please kay thanks :]


End file.
